The best thing to ever happen to me is to be loved unconditionally by the maker of the universe.There’s nothing special that I did, He did it all for me.I did not need any silver or gold…just me and my empty hands.
And I can walk like I own the world, with my head held high and a crazy kind of confidence… All because of this love that I don’t deserve yet is lavished on me beyond measure.
And before you go thinking that I’m all in my head or in a fantasy world, let me stop you at that. I know the world, hell I’ve been there,,, I still am, but now I see it from a different perspective because I know something I didn’t know before.
Now looking back I can see how every force that came towards me had one simple purpose…to make me forget who I am or rather whose I am, to make me feel small, replaceable and ordinary…like I am here to just exist and then die, because no matter what you do, we all die huh! Every force made me feel as if I didn’t matter that much, as if I wasn’t loved that much. Even I, didn’t like the girl in the mirror that much. What a pity! What a waste of love.
Now I’m fully awake, now I know why my self-worth was and still is a threat to the enemy…because no matter how much you love someone, no matter how many times to tell them you do love them, no matter what you do to prove your love to them, , if they aren’t convinced in their hearts, if they don’t believe you…It doesn’t really matter, even if you would catch a bullet for them..that love would be all for nothing when it comes to bringing happiness and fulfillment in their hearts…they would still be miserable..they would still feel unworthy and unloved. It’s such a pity really!
When I look back I kinda feel bad, for all those night I slept feeling like I didn’t matter, for all those tears I shed, because the world was screaming that there’s nothing special about me, for all those words that I let break my precious heart, for letting my head hung low as if I was an orphan with no one to love me, for not loving myself enough. I feel bad for all the wasted time and energy spent trying to pursue peace and happiness in all the wrong places, for believing that I needed something or someone to make me feel whole, for thinking that I was broken and needed some fixing, for trying to fit in, for not seeing the ugliness of the world caused by hate and selfishness and being oblivious of the beauty within my very own heart. For shutting my heart and trying to be tough because I was made to believe that this world is not for gentle hearts like mine, , for being ashamed of being kind because “mean” is being cool and strong while being kind is being weak and naive. I tried being everything that I wasn’t just to please the world, even if that meant betraying who I truly was…masquerading just to fit in…I almost lost my identity. But, if I did I wouldn’t be here today writing this short story, right?
If in deed I didn’t matter, if in deed I was just an ordinary being, if in deed I was who the world did everything to make me believe I was…I’m hundred percent convinced that I wouldn’t be here today, not like this. I am here today because all along, even when I didn’t know it, someone had my life in His hands, all along even when I felt unworthy, someone loved me so very much…and that same someone decided that my story had a long way to go.. So just when I was getting tired of playing pretend and acting as if everything is okay, when I was about to give up the little light that was growing dimmer day by day in my soul…just in that moment.. He took over my life..He turned my life around and all He had to do was to convince me that He loved me beyond measure, that’s all I needed to know, to be reminded of my real identity, that I’m a magical being, only one like me in world full of trillion humans, and even the very hair of my head, He cared to know their number. Damn! It’s a feeling I can never forget, Never! I had been in the dark for so long I had forgotten just how beautiful the light is, how illuminating it can be…my inside was being turned, I could almost feel a new life breaking through, my soul was free again and my eyes started looking at the world differently…like I was somewhere on a hill looking down on everything. After every lie I had been told, I knew they couldn’t fool me anymore. Truth was finally here and wisdom was holding my hand, I knew I was safe, I knew I was loved, very loved. Peace had found me, my heart was full.
So no matter how hard this world tries to push me, it will never take away my identity from me again. As long as I know who I’m and whose I am, they can never steal my peace.. And as long as I have my peace, I will stand unshaken..I will smile when they expect me to be crying and they would think I’m pretending because they don’t understand. “Peace that transcends human understanding”, He said.
Jesus loves me and He loves you too..you need to believe that or it won’t really help you. He actually cares and He wishes you all good things in the world even if the world tries to steal every gift that God sends your way. Just believe and allow Him to love you, He will love you in all the ways you didn’t think could be possible. He loves unconditionally.